What I Did For Love
by JamyGrint
Summary: ONE SHOT: Lavender looks back on her past


_A/N: Hello! Long time no speak. I'm so sorry was the delays on "Aftershock" and "Release" I am getting there slowly, but all inspiration has run dry. I wrote this after seeing the new Deathly Hallows trailer, so here it is. It is a Lavender one shot, teamed in with some Ron (i couldn't not put him in) it is set after the events of DH looking back at HBP! I hope you like and please review!  
Much love xAx  
_**DISCLAIMER: NO COPY WRITE INTENDED!**_  


* * *

_She was always that kind of girl who needed love and attention. She saw gifts as people showing their love for her. It was all she ever wanted in life; to be loved, adored even, it was why she went from boy to boy, was seen by others as a "Scarlett Woman". She would cling onto them; hold onto the idea of being loved before they got bored of her. She would try not to dwell on the lost attention; the affection would disappear long before the so called 'relationship' was over.

They didn't understand; she needed to be loved, the thought of no one wanting her terrified every bone in her body, the fear resulted in her clinging to which ever boy she had that month, she would cling to the idea of being wanted, to show him she wanted them too. But boredom would always settle in; the signs were always the same, she always noticed them early on; which often resulted in her doing things that ashamed herself, just to keep things going.

She never knew where her liking of Ron came from; maybe because they were so alike, or she felt sorry for him. Looking back it was probably both. They both had grown up feeling less important than someone else: they both knew what it was like to feel unwanted and unappreciated. She smirked at Hermione and Harry's ignorance; they weren't the only people who knew about his insecurities.

When they started, she truly believed that Ron wanted her as much as she wanted him. She made the mistake in thinking they were in it forever, that she was better than _Hermione Granger, _so much better infact, that she could kiss the image of the bushy haired girl from his mind and heart.

But the signs began. He was getting bored and missing his friends. Her determination to replace Hermione only engraved his love for her more. He had refused her advances, would finds ways to escape his Velcro like grip. When he was with her they would spend their time in silence, no kissing or touching either, neither knowing each other. And then it happened.

She was never the kind of girl who trusted people completely. She had been hurt before by putting too much trust in people. No one really knew the real her, she would hide under a mask; not allowing the scared, hurt child under the confidant, flirty girl.

She always knew that nothing went on between Ron and Hermione, even at the time when she stood there screaming at him, the idea of any betrayal was too painful to think of. She knew he was loyal to everyone, even her, and no matter how much he may have wanted something to happen between himself and Hermione, he wouldn't allow it. She concludes that she was simply looking for a way out, she had to be the strong one to let go, she was too good and saw no reason to be with someone who simply didn't want her.

It still hurt her, the pain of knowing it was over when in her mind they would be together forever. She never got used to the rejection; she desperately wanted to be like these girls who were wanted so badly, the every aspect of their personality, looks, their good and bad parts were so adored, so loved.

But it all seemed trivial now, laying in St. Mungo's. it still amazed her that she was alive. Her life mattered more than the girl who used to walk the school halls trying to catch the attention of every boy she saw, somehow the attention didn't matter anymore, even if she had lost the little beauty she once owned.

She paused for a moment, trying to remember the words Dumbledore had said in one of their many Start of Year Feasts;

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.*"

Maybe her happiness would come.

* * *

* Quote is from Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban film.


End file.
